Tag: anger

Getting Along with Difficult People

Sue SiebensLeave a comment

You know who they are….those aggravating individuals. They range from rubbing you the wrong way to openly critical or aggressive toward you. They are in our families as the ornery sibling or the obnoxious in-law, sometimes it’s our friends that get an attitude, cross a line or demand too much from us, at work it’s the boss who is too demanding or a co-worker who shirks responsibility or points fingers at everyone but themselves, at church they are the shamers and judgers with no room to talk, at restaurants it’s the loud table in the middle of the room or the arrogant staff member, and it is those strangers in line with us at any store or event that takes us out of our comfort zone experience.

They can be anywhere. And they show up with a regularity that is freakishly amazing.

When I was working in the corporate world, it seems there was that one person at every job that got under my skin. They were different people, in different organizational positions from me with different agendas at each job. They showed up as a boss, a co-worker or a representative of another department that I had to work with. And they thought I did things wrong and I thought they were a$$holes.

I wish I had known about Emotional Resolution (EmRes) back then! Because I now understand that my fears and angst where projected onto my antagonist. In working with Emotional Resolution clients, I’ve found that the old axiom holds very true:

It takes two to tango.

If you need an adversary to hold up one side of an argument for you, someone will show up and carry on the other side of the dispute. As soon as you let go of the difficulty–the anchoring emotion, the other person will “lose interest”. This all happens at a subconscious level, of course, the undercurrent of conversation below speaking and listening.

You just have to break the cycle by letting go of your side.

I’ve seen this work time and again with spouses and pairings of all sorts. The client is “going crazy” when “they do that“, “they know I don’t like it, so why do they do it?” The client has a Emotional Resolution session to work on this specific antagonistic situation. And things change.

The client no longer has the embedded emotion that is “clinging to the story”. It’s almost like they forget about the recurring problem until I mention it at a later time. And the spouse “just doesn’t do it anymore,” is commonly in the result. At first I thought the anecdotal stories brought back to me by clients were small coincidences, entertaining to be sure. But they have happened with such regularity, that now I expect to hear them.

Letting go of emotions that power disagreements, that we brush off as “part of dealing with other personalities”, may seem trivial in the grand scheme of things. But imagine having a home, workplace, school, church, etc where you didn’t have that someone(s) that drives you crazy with their arrogance, controlling attitude or whatever. It would take so much stress out of our lives.

Emotional Resolution uses your situation, the scene of interaction with your antagonist, as its entry point. With this mental image, the emotional memories that are trapped in body are accessed and resolved. You don’t have to know where or how the emotions got trapped there. You don’t even have to name the emotion. You just have to know the situation that you don’t want in your life anymore, and the specific and precise protocol for Emotional Resolution does the rest. It is literally a reset button.

Are you ready to release your side of the story?

Book an Emotional Resolution Session today

Emotional Merry-go-rounds and other spirals

Sue Siebens

Its that situation again. That person or group is present. This conversation or action will trigger my feelings. I’ll spiral into my “go-to” emotions. and I’ll be back in my misery, again. It takes to much energy and time to climb out of that wheel. Time to get off the scary-go-round!

PTSD, depression, substance abuse and other disorders are commonly associated with emotional dysregulation.
Its the inability to manage the intensity and duration of negative emotions such as fear, sadness, or anger. When caught off-guard by some triggering event, clients are plunged into overwhelming emotions and behaviors that may be difficult to recover from.

Traditionally emotional regulation skills are based on cognitive and behavioral interventions, using conscious thought and behavior to regulate emotions.

But what if we can address the emotions directly? Resolving them, in the moment they are occurring? ..and just get rid of them permanently?

Think about it. If you have a nose bleed, you wouldn’t just let the blood run down your face, onto your shirt. No. You would stop what you are doing and take care of it with a tissue, tip your head back, maybe add a cold compress. You and everyone around you will understand that your body needs some attention. It is a necessary and immediate need.

It’s the same way with emotions. If you are experiencing an emotion or feeling, that is anywhere from uncomfortable to overwhelming, it is time to stop and take a moment to deal with that emotion…. just like its a nose-bleed.

How do we loosen emotion’s grip and get control back? How do we stand in our emotion, face it head on, in the moment of crisis and “conquer it”?

We must all learn to resolve and balance our unwanted emotions on the fly, and we can do it quite simply.

Emotional Resolution on and for the Self (EmRes-Self)

  • IN THE MOMENT, while you are still in the emotion, Close your eyes. turn your focus away from the outside source of your disturbance and look in.
  • Scan your body and notice at least two physical sensations, like throat tight, hands sweaty, hard to breathe, stomach tight, etc.
  • Allow the sensations to change, without control or expectation. Don’t do anything, just watch.
  • Be present with the physical sensations until they are gone, for up to 2 minutes
  • When you are calm, open your eyes. the emotion will be gone.

It sounds ridiculously simple. How can something this unpretentious work?

Well, if you don’t embellish the routine, it works fabulously. Here are a couple guidelines to curb your desire to “make it better”.

  1. This process works with the current emotional difficulty your body is experiencing. If you are angry at your co-worker now, then you must resolve now while you are still angry at him, not after you’ve cooled down and are recalling your anger. The timing can be tricky in this regard. But immediately excusing yourself to a restroom and resolve there, will usually keep you in the emotion enough to resolve. Excusing yourself to tend a fake “important text” on you phone, also allows you to covertly bow your head to your phone and close your eyes for a few seconds–its surprising how socially normal this is.
  2. Emotions are experienced by the body as physical sensations. It is the body that has the embedded/trapped emotions that keep coming up via triggers, flooding your mind and overwhelming thought and reason. When you close your eyes, you are shifting from the mental brain/memory to emotional brain/memory.
    The body has an innate ability to metabolize the emotional memories, the physical sensations, if you give it the time and space to do so.
    And that is just it–You must give your body time to do it’s work!
    Remember: Power goes where you focus.
    You can not be in your mind and your body at the same time. If you gently focus on your body, it will resolve the physical sensations and release the emotional imprint. If you let your focus return to the mind, recalling the situation, trying to make sense of the physical sensations, focusing too hard on the sensations, trying to control or change the shape, form or intensity of the sensations, then the body stops its “resolve the emotion work”. Just watch the physical sensations and allow them to change. The sensations can be uncomfortable, but even “breathing into it” is a form of control that will derail the whole process.
  3. Allow the physical sensations to change, grow, move, pop up in another location as you passively watch, until all physical sensations are gone and you are calm… for up to 2 minutes. Many times it can take only 8-20 seconds! After 2 minutes, which feels like a long time, open your eyes and recall the emotional situation that disturbed you. We are not changing history here. You will still remember being mad, for instance, but you will most likely not feel mad about it any more. If you do feel a little emotion is left, then close your eyes again, go thru the resolve again. It will be completely gone after the second time through.

It really works. It works for me. It works for everyone that has learned it. And it will work for you.

In one of my advance Emotional Resolution classes, I met a woman who was in New York on 9/11, a hotline operator, who watched the buildings fall from close range. She had PTSD for years as a result. She shared that most of her healing was finally accomplished by using the ER-Self protocol, when she was triggered, in the instant that she was in the emotion. She was adamant about the power of Emotional Resolution on the Self (EmRes-Self).

After I recovered a little from the impact of her story, I reflected on my own use of ER-Self. Every time I had the presence to [stop, close my eyes, let go of my mind, feel the physical sensation in my body, allow them to change, observe them lightly until they were gone], it worked. My troubling emotion, present in me at the time, was gone.

You can practice from the instructions in this blog and get it right. But sometimes we have questions and need face to face time with an instructor. I teach classes in ER-Self, both to groups and privately in-person and on the phone.

Please learn this amazing act of Self-Care. Just like a nose-bleed or cut on our finger, we need to take care of ourselves when our body demands attention, whether it shows up as actual blood or as a troubling emotion that affects our ability to effectively navigate our life and world.

Are you ready to take Self-Care to the next level?

Learn ER-Self with a group (In Dallas, Tx)

Learn ER-Self individually, on the phone or in-person

Overcoming Self-Doubt

Sue Siebens

The fundamental cause of the trouble is that in the modern world, the stupid are cocksure, while the intelligent are full of doubt.

Bertrand Russell

Self-doubt is the biggest bully, ever. You don’t even have to go outside yourself to hear deprecating self-talk about your thoughts and actions, how you feel and look, who values you-if anyone, your likelihood of success, who has your back? who is trustworthy, etc. It can be a beating just to open your eyes in the morning and start the day with low self-confidence that slides lower with that nit-picking little voice.

For some of us it’s situational. You are fine and mostly confident in school or a business environment, but totally out of your comfort zone in a social setting. Or just the opposite can be true — social butterfly at home and church, but a stiff wall-flower in the office meeting.

It can become a feeling of deep aloneness, where you must struggle on alone, not able to ask for help because no one is truly there to help you–unless you have already over-done for them. Or you are too embarrassed and full of shame to ask for help. A Self-doubter has an infinite number of stories to explain and justify why you feel so bad and why “things just don’t work out for you”. And all those reasons are big arrows pointing at your own lack of importance and worth.

The Self-doubter also has few personal boundaries, making you easy prey for the predators and narcissists on the prowl. Even if other don’t have “bad” intentions, who will value you, if you don’t value yourself? It puts other people in charge of your situation and destiny.

What can be done? Resolve it!

If these words describe your identity: self-doubt, low self-esteem, indecisive, hesitant, self-deprecation, self-anger, over-modest, passive, shy, etc, then you will be pleased to know that Emotional Resolution (EmRes) protocol can change it!

It may seem like a huge mountain of “stuff” over and around you, that is too big to tunnel out of. But I can assure you, if “Self-doubt” is your thing, we can take care of that.

Self-Doubt is the most common complaint among my Emotional Resolution clients. Many of the most amazing success stories are with people that lack self-confidence and boundaries as their primary trouble. Even if individuals come for other reasons, like grief or separation/divorce, Self-doubt is pervasive in our minds when our emotions are in turmoil.

It turns out, lack of self-confidence and boundaries are some of the easiest scenarios to address.

Why? Because you can easily pick out a specific situation that leads to “an episode” of damning self-talk. This is our entry point into an Emotional Resolution session.

Emotional Resolution uses the body’s own natural ability to access the troubling subconscious emotion(s) that triggered the Self-doubt. It was embedded in the body by some past trauma or high-stress situation. The body resolves the physical sensations associated with the embedded emotion, removing it forever. It sounds simple, and it is.

It is life changing! Resolving Self-doubt can provide amazing relief.

Every client is different with unique circumstances. Emotional Resolution protocol adapts to the individual case and produces results … period.

I tend to gush happy expletives at this point because the work is so exciting in it’s effects on clients and their happiness. Many have been able make decisions, be in their own power, getting procrastination out of the way, stop the self-bullying, it’s a long list of positive changes.

They have told me that their friends and families say they look different–better, happier. I think they do too. They are full of their own confidence and it shines out like a bright light.

Are you ready to reclaim your own power and turn on your internal light?

Book an Emotional Resolution Session

Does Emotional Resolution replace Therapy?

Sue Siebens

The short-answer is No.

Therapy or Psychotherapy is a process where a trained professional uses verbal and psychological techniques to help their client tackle specific or general problems such as a particular mental illness or a source of life stress by exploring their cause and effect on the client’s life and behavior[1]. There are many facets and techniques employed by therapists, but generally it requires a great deal of commitment from the client and there is a significant relationship between the therapeutic alliance and therapy outcome[2]. Psychotherapy is an cognitive and mental exploration of the reasons behind the issue and applies further cognitive and mental techniques to work the problem.

The Emotional Resolution or EmRes session is a process conducted by a trained professional that calls on emotional memories in the body and discharges them. Subconscious and unresolved emotions are in play when we experience highly charged situations and interactions with ourselves and other people. Somatic sensations are sparked when we recall those situations, giving us direct access to them for resolution. Emotional Resolution sessions resolve the root(s) of these emotions immediately, without having to know their origin or history.

Therapy and Emotional Resolution are highly compatible and complimentary. In all work to better our lives and behaviors by unraveling emotions, we pass through a series of steps:

  • Becoming aware of a pattern that we don’t want in our life
  • Recognizing that the pattern can be changed–it is not integral to who we are
  • Taking responsibility for what is, now… with the understanding that we may not be at fault for the trauma or whatever “stuck” the emotion in us, but we have to take ownership of our own pain and emotions as it is now and find ways to resolve it
  • Be willing to let go of the pain, emotions and past story associated with them.

A therapist or counselor can help sort out confusing and complex history, behavior and wounds. They can help bring perspective and awareness to our murky past. But once responsibilities and emotions become clear, and the emotions themselves need to be cleared away to relieve the suffering, then Emotional Resolution is the most efficient way through.

Emotional Resolution Protocol is a very specific and precise series of steps. It is literally the clearest and calmest way you will ever find to deal with emotions: no history, not triggering, no justification, no self-examination or judgement, no soul-crushing reliving, no emotional backlash from the retelling. Seriously, many times sessions are like giving a semi-animated description of what you had for lunch yesterday. It doesn’t change your history, but it does change how you feel about it and how you will feel about it in the future and, most importantly, how you will feel and act in a similar situation the future.

The body is doing all the work!

Our bodies have a natural capacity to resolve the emotions that are embedded in them, lodging there in times of high stress or trauma. And our bodies know how to access the subconscious emotion: by their physical sensation signature. The Emotional Resolution protocol capitalizes on this ability as we first recall the troubling situation, then directs us to the emotional memory as a prompt for the body to do it’s work. The body resolves the emotional imprint and we are set free from triggering cycle.

Understanding and accepting our emotional script and changing it are two different things.

  • Many people want to know why they feel and act the way they do. It’s valuable and useful to them and their processing. For this information gathering, therapy is irreplaceable.
  • Many people want to get rid of their triggers and troubling emotions. Emotional Resolution has no rivals in this area.
  • There is a matrix of people in one, the other or both of these groups.

If you are ready to change the emotional script that drives your life, then Emotional Resolution session will work for you.

Your Body is ready, Are You?

Book an Emotional Resolution Session

References
1. Therapy
2. The Benefits of Psychotherapy

Don’t let a bad vibe carry you away

Sue Siebens

I ran across this meme yesterday and I LOVED IT!

Did you really have a bad day or did you have 10-20 minutes where you let your thoughts run undisciplined which led you to a bad vibe that you let carry you away. Come on… you run this [show]. Pay attention.
–www.facebook.com/enlightenedc

The truth is that is exactly what happens. Most of our “bad days” are moments of “trauma/drama” that we keep replaying in our minds, and by doing so, let those moments pollute the rest of the day.

The main reason those memories keep resurfacing is that the emotional memory is embedded in our bodies. Once triggered it can reverberate… echoing thru the day, reminding us of the situation, the emotion and infecting any neutral state of joy we can conjure.

We can search for and try to come to terms with where the original emotional injury happened–in our childhood or wherever; What physical or emotional trauma happened to us that is now echoing into the present? But intellectual understanding of an emotion does not resolve the emotional issue. Acknowledging the abuse received, for instance, does not resolve the echoing pain. The pain and the emotion remains — waiting for the next triggering event.

Or we can turn to metaphysical and spiritual answers. “This is karma or part of my soul contract.” “My right foot hurts because I can’t find a way to move forward”. Again, interesting information, but it doesn’t actually resolve the emotion. It still lies in wait for the next situation that is similar enough to spark the emotion again… reminding you to move forward?

Our bodies innately understand how to process emotions. In certain situations, the body is overwhelmed and the emotion gets stuck. These embedded emotions are the ones that will repeat and echo into our future lives. This is literally “the baggage” that makes our reactions to current situations larger then necessary –over the top.

So what is the alternative; How do we “fix” this?

Emotional Resolution  is a very specific protocol that funnels the emotion back thru the body, in a fully conscious and calm setting, The body can then metabolize the emotion, resolving it permanently.

I know, permanently is a big word to use. But when the roots of the emotion are gone, they are gone. There is nothing embedded in the body to trigger, emotion-wise.

And one of the best parts is that you don’t have to know where the emotion came from, how long it’s been there, or its meaning in the grand scheme of life. You don’t even have to know what the emotion is exactly. This is a blessing for the many of us who have tried hard all our lives to avoid/escape emotions we feel. Name it? We often have no idea what we’re feeling.

There are two great options for Emotional Resolution (EmRes):

  1. Learn to resolve yourself in the moment of the emotion. Our Learn to Resove Your Unwanted Emotions class will teach you how in 2 one-hour group meetings.
  2. Bring a a recent situation that triggered the emotion to an Emotional Resolution Professional to conduct the session.

easy peasy!

So the next time you have 10-15 minutes of angst that vibrates thru your day, consider an Emotional Resolution session to set you right.

Letting Go of “IT”

Sue Siebens

How many times have we heard or thought to ourselves, “just let it go”?  Don’t be angry forever, let it go.  Don’t be anxious or fearful, let it go. If we could just wash it off in the shower, or cough it out like a puff of smog, that would be one thing. But we can’t seem to be rid of these unwanted emotions like sweaty clothes.

We want to forgive and forget, but we still remember with the same angst, the same pain, the same regret when something triggers that emotion again.

Often we are told to “feel your feelings”, with the implication that if we feel them correctly they will go away.  But what does that mean? Feel what and where.  Feel it through the tear and terror? feel it so completely that we drown in tears? Argh, so frustrating because it never seems to work.

It never seemed to work because we didn’t have all the instructions.

It turns out that resolving emotions effectively and permanently is a precise protocol. 

First you have to be in the emotion. Let the emotion pass or try to manufacture one and it doesn’t work. Then close your eyes and feel the physical sensations in your body.  Let these sensations evolve and change until they dissipate. This lasts from 2 seconds to 2.5 minutes. And viola! The emotion is gone.

It’s too simple really.  Its so deceptively simple that one can easily step off the “script” and suddenly your back to wallowing in fruitless ventures.

But when followed correctly it works. Amazingly, it works.

And sorry, this little snippet of the protocol doesn’t give enough information about what not to do.  You’ll need just a little more instruction or the assistance of a professionally trained person.

But YES, all you have to do is “Feel the Feelings”, but not the ones in your mind.

A big THANK YOU to Cedric Bertelli for bringing this work to the USA!

I’ve been working with Emotional Resolution protocols for almost a year now [since 2017].  I know it doesn’t seem like a very long time. But I’ve personally experienced and seen in my clients, positive changes that have left me surprised and astonished.

Emotions, behaviors and somatic issues that have disappeared and not returned:

  • Fear of driving fast
  • weeping in grief for two years; 
    separation anxiety/abandonment of dying family member
  • a sales person’s frustration/anger when caught between company and customer; sales person’s performance/making the numbers anxiety
  • anger when passed over for promotion
  • anger/frustration spouse’s behavior (many of these)
  • being uncomfortable in own body; forgiving an unforgiving self-image
  • fear of being killed/shot
  • sports performance anxiety and injury/recovery fear
  • Migraine
  • asthma; phlegm over-production
  • procrastination (many of these); avoidance
  • pain in joints and arthritis
  • family trauma
  • anger/rage at “nothing”
  • fear of meeting new people/making new friends/fitting in
  • fear and paranoia at work
  • idiopathic stomach pain after eating 
  • and more

It’s crazy how well it works!

If you have an emotion, behavior or chronic physical issue to resolve, try Emotional Resolution.  

I offer session in-person in North Dallas, Tx or on-the-phone.  Here is a link to schedule and appointment with  me.  http://regulatingsense.schedulista.com/

Don’t let your Emotions control you. Resolve them instead.

Sue Siebens

Seems like every day we have them. Emotions. We react emotionally to the personal interactions and circumstances that we move through each day.  Some emotions we like: joy, happiness, gratitude, hope, inspiration, pride, serenity, inspiration, and, of course, love. Want them. Want to keep them.  

But it seems that much of the time we are swamped by emotions that we don’t like: anger, disappointment, frustration, annoyance, apathy, sadness, discouragement, despair, jealousy, fear, anxiety and guilt.

We spend quite a bit of time and money trying to figure out why we have these unwanted feelings, discovering the reasons they have erupted in us and devising how we can “overcome” them.

I have recently come to a new understanding about emotions and how they work for us and how we can work with them in a more effective way.

Emotions are a set of physical sensations in our BODY. If we work with the sensations in our body is a precise way, the emotions will be resolved permanently.

That’s it. That’s all of it.

It is our MIND mind that labels the physical sensations as anger, disgust, sadness, surprise, fear, trust, or joy, for example. And it is our mind that works out what our action/reaction should be. It’s all downhill, or up-hill from there. In many ways, it’s a distraction from the real work, especially when the reaction is “over the top/beyond what is appropriate”.

It all starts with the physical sensations in our Body.

Our Body is innately equipped with the ability to resolve emotions. When have an we experience a set of physical sensations and if the emotion is not “blocked”, the “emotion” information is passed to the mind, followed by clear-minded, analysis of the situation and discerning action ensues. We won’t actually experience the emotion in this case.  

But, when the emotion is blocked for whatever reason, the Mind “creates” a heightened experience and labels the feelings as “xxx” (an emotion.) Because the Mind is now flooded with overwhelming and sometimes conflicting cues, it’s normal mental flows are sidetracked from “appropriate action”. We then find ourselves in difficulties and behaviors that are over the top and, most commonly, don’t address anything that needs to be taken care of.

For example, if we are not afraid of heights, we could walk up to a handrail in the middle of a tall bridge and calmly recognize that we are safe when we look over the handrail and down to the river view below. There is no “emotional” reaction to the approach of the handrail or the view.

If we are afraid of heights, we may not even get to the middle of the bridge, much less the handrail. Our Mind is probably screaming in a fear and terror that paralyzes the body and reason. I’m sure you’d agree that this is definitely and emotional difficulty.

So the first question is: Do we really need to know how the emotion was blocked?  do we care if the block came from a childhood trauma, a teenage wound or an extremely stressful event, such as wartime combat, a natural disaster, or sexual or physical abuse.

The answers to “where did they come from” may help us to be more compassionate with ourselves. But they don’t help us get rid of the emotion, the reaction to the triggering situation or our mismatched actions.

The second question: it is okay, and possible, to just get of the emotional response, without knowing where it originated, and get rid of it permanently?

Yes, it is absolutely possible to free ourselves from emotional difficulties whether we know where they came from or not.

Hallelujah!

Emotional Resolution (EmRes) is set of precise protocols developed by French researchers to resolve emotions and their triggers that clouds our understanding of what is happening now, and filters our abilities to function and respond effectively to the present.

By consciously experiencing physical sensations in the Body, letting them change or shift, until they are gone, a natural and permanent resolution of the emotion takes place. 

We can perform this action on ourselves in the moment the emotion is present in us (EmRes-Self), assist others to do this work in the moment (EmRes-Direct) or afterwards with the help of an Emotional Resolution Professional (EmRes Session).

There are other advantages to Emotional Resolution.  There is no re-triggering or re-living the trauma. We don’t have to know where it originated. There is no need to share personal details or difficult stories. We are completely safe, present and in control at all times during a session.

EmRes sessions rarely need to exceed 30 minutes to obtain a complete and permanent resolution.

I have so many clients that are delighted with the sessions and results of their Emotional Resolution. I am also gratified, personally with my own work and professionally with the work of my clients.I invite you to give it a try, in-person in North Dallas, Tx or on-the-phone.  Here is a link to schedule and appointment with me.  http://regulatingsense.schedulista.com/