Taming Your Inner Critic

How do you make peace with that inner chatter that contributes negative self-talk to the flow of thoughts in your head?

Some small portion of it may be helpful and keep us on track and noticing necessary details. But sometimes, it just amounts to an internal beating and bullying of our softer side, that really does want to do things right.

According to Jay Early, PHD, there are seven types of Inner-critic self-talk

  • Perfectionist – provoking the highest, maybe unobtainable standards, this critic drives performance, behavior and production to very high levels. It can result in projects that never seem to end since they can never reach a perfect state. It can also freeze a person into inaction, as they become convinced their work will never be good enough.
  • Inner Controller – tries to control impulsive behavior perceived as “not good for you” or even “dangerous”. Failure to comply results in harsh bullying and shaming from that same critic voice.
  • Taskmaster – like the perfectionist, the taskmaster forces hard work and a workaholic attitude to reach success thru discipline and laser focused production and an “at all costs” avoidance of shoddy and insufficient results.
  • Underminer – works to sabotage self-esteem and self-confidence to avoid risk and failure as an absolute imperative, even if the result is inaction. It also attacks any efforts to assume a role that is too powerful, responsible or “big” to avoid attention and drawing attack from others, even if it is unwarranted. It’s goal is a feeling of worthlessness.
  • Destroyer – uses shame to suck out any self-worth present. Its convinces the person they shouldn’t and don’t have the right to exist.
  • Guilt-Tripper – exerts pressure based on some specific action or repeated behavior that was harmful or crossed a personal value boundary. Weaponized guilt assaults the person and they feel like they will never be forgiven.
  • Molder – has in mind a specific way of being, acting or looking, that originates in cultural or family norms. If the person veers out of this very narrow standard or if it just doesn’t fit and never did, then the person is made to feel inadequate. It is quiet when living up to the standard, but blitzkriegs when not. [1]

The Inner Critic can be a Terrorist!

With the volume turned down, like a reasonable notice from the conscience, our inner voice may be keeping us safe or funneling our efforts to the best advantage, keeping us from social faux pas and taboos, etc.

But when the volume gets too loud or hypercritical, with “You’re stupid”, “You’re not attractive”, “You’ll never get it right”, “He doesn’t really care about you”[2], then it becomes your own worst enemy and it’s time for a change!

How the Inner Critic expresses itself comes from internalized trauma and social patterns and negative attitudes that were picked up as early as infancy. They continue to expand as we grow and learn how to conduct ourselves in our families, schools, jobs and other social groups. [2]

Emotional Resolution(EmRes) is a protocol or technique that addresses the emotions that trigger the Inner Critic’s voice. EmRes is a tool that everyone MUST have in their back pocket.

Through a combination of one-on-one sessions with a professional and learning to conduct mini-session in the moment, EmRes clears away the embedded emotions that are triggered in a person’s life. By tackling each triggered situation as they come up, “the voice” will quieten as they are resolved. With some work, but in an amazingly short time, it will stop completely.

EmRes sessions with a professional are calm, restoring and reassuring. EmRes-Self mediating are immediate and effective.

By removing the emotional triggers, EmRes clients and practitioners say they have “learned how to be happy with themselves“, they “get more done” and they “feel comfortable in their own skin“.

Learn more about EmRes

Are you ready to Tame Your Inner Critic?

Book an EmRes Session or EmRes-Self training

References
1. What Kind Of Inner Critic Are You?
2. Critical Inner Voice

Emotional Help for College Stress

With High School complete, the next life step for many graduates is college which includes new responsibilities, financial pressures and scholastic expectations. Many college students are not emotionally equipped for the challenges they will face.

Freshmen, in particular, must adjust to the interruption of old school relationships, inciting a sense of loss, grief and loneliness. New friendships take time to develop and it’s easy to make poor choices in the desire to connect socially. This can be complicated by any existing difficulties in connecting and bonding with others. Being in an ocean of new students all looking for connection doesn’t overcome those emotional intelligence deficits. [1]

On top of social pressures of finding a new tribe, students find that they must shift up to a new level of performance. They need to compete for grades with classmates who were also at the top in their own high school class. High costs of secondary education can bring financial pressures requiring an extra job, cutting back on housing and food expenses, resulting in a tougher life and sleep schedule, which also affect performance in class.

It’s a high stakes gamble that all the money and hard work will pay off in an increasingly competitive post-graduation job market — no pressure!

” A 2013 survey of over 123,000 students across 153 campuses confirmed that over half of students feel overwhelming anxiety, and about a third experience intense depression, sometime during the year.  Almost a third report that their stress has been high enough at some point to interfere with their academics—lowering their grades on exams or courses or projects—and 44% say that academic or career issues have been traumatic or difficult to handle. The majority of college students don’t get enough sleep, and half say that they’ve felt overwhelmed and exhausted, lonely or sad sometime during the year. “[1]

“According to mental health research conducted by the National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI):

  • One in four students have a diagnosable illness
  • 40% do not seek help
  • 80% feel overwhelmed by their responsibilities
  • 50% have become so anxious that they struggled in school [2]

The five most prevalent mental health issues are: depression, anxiety, suicide, eating disorders, and addictions(drugs and alcohol)

How can we help them? How can we ease the pressure in our universities and colleges?

Arm Them with Emotional Resolution Skills!

Emotional Resolution, EmRes for short, is a simple technique that can be performed on the Self in the moment of the emotion (EmRes-Self) or in a session with a trained EmRes Professional (EmRes Session). EmRes uses the body’s own innate capacity to resolve negative and dysfunctional emotions.

Many studies have shown that times of very high stress and/or disruptive trauma, emotions are literally embedded into the body, where even vague similarities to the original event can trigger the trapped emotion to come rushing back, flooding the senses and disturbing any chance of a “normal” response or behavior. Results can range from anxiety and depression to rage and PTSD.

EmRes starts with the triggered situation and works back thru the limbic (emotional) center of the brain to access the body memories-the physical sensations that represent the emotion. Once accessed, the body does the work to eliminate the embedded emotion and it’s situational triggers. And voila! it’s gone forever!

EmRes Sessions are quick: 15-30 minutes. EmRes-Self is quicker, 8 sec to 30 secs is normal. Usually people use a combination of both in the early stages of the work.

Added Bonuses: no reliving or triggering; don’t need to know or understand the original trauma causing the problem; fully conscious, aware and in control at all times; don’t have to tell story or personal details.

Best thing: EmRes Sessions can be done in-person or over the phone. EmRes-Self can be taught in-person or over the phone.


If you or someone you love is in university or any other high-pressure situation where performance, social and financial pressures all collide with any emotional issues, you or they would do well to work with and learn Emotional Resolution.

Are you ready to let Emotional Resolution work for you?

Book an EmRes Session or EmRes-Self class


References
1. Why college freshmen need to take Emotions 101
2. The Top Mental Health Challenges Facing Students