Tag: sadness

Grief and Mourning

Sue Siebens

Grief doesn’t happen in a vacuum. it happens along side of and mixed in with all these other emotions.


Nora McInerny

Grief and mourning are the emotional feelings we experience when someone or something in our life is irretrievably lost to us. Most commonly we think of a family member or close friend who has died.

Its when someone we love deeply is taken away from us and we don’t know what to do with those love feelings anymore. They have been literally torn away from us and we are fractured, oozing from our broken hearts.

Death and grief are something we all experience in our lives. If we are lucky enough to love fully, we may experience it many times. It is as inevitable as death itself….the companion emotion to death.

Because it can be so uncomfortable and it is an emotion, you’d think that grief would be something that we could resolve using the Emotional Resolution (EmRes) protocol. But in fact that’s not true. Grief is a process. It is a series of emotions that must be navigated. There are 5 stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. By working thru these emotions in mourning, we will once again reach an emotional equilibrium when it’s complete. The mourning process usually takes 3-4 months. There is way to short-cut this healing.

These experiences of grief, that mark us and make us are just as important as the joyful ones and just a permanently. Grief is a multitasking emotions where you will be sad and happy, you will be grieving and able to love in the same year or week, the same breath.


Nora McInerny

At the same time, grief is not a form of depression
“Some people conflate the terms grief and depression. They are not the same. Both infuse our lives with sadness, and both cause disruption, but the similarity ends there. Depression is a mental disorder. Grief is not. Bereaved people are sad because they miss a person they love, a person who added light and color and warmth to their world. They feel like the light has been turned off and they aren’t sure how to turn it on again. Depressed people are sad because they see themselves and/or the world as fundamentally flawed, inadequate, or worthless. They feel like the world has no light or color or warmth. There is no light to turn on.” [1]

Grief can inflate other emotional conflicts and issues that are already present in a person. Existing anger, abandonment, loneliness, self-doubt, fear and depression compounded with mourning can work to overwhelm any emotional processing. Put in terms we are more familiar with: think of a cut on your finger being grief and existing anger being an infection on the skin. The body/emotional system could handle either alone, but together, we’d have an infection in the cut. This situation is more complicated and both contribute to the slower overall healing. Usually we take care of the infection first and the cut will take care of itself.

The unresolved emotions that predate grief can slow down progress thru the 5 stages. As mentioned before, grief is not a candidate for emotional resolution, BUT those preexisting emotions are definitely contenders.

Working on preexisting emotions is an excellent way to allow the grieving process to move along it’s necessary path more normally.

It’s not a hard and fast rule, but if grief extends beyond 6 months there are other emotions complicating the mourning process. Do your self a favor: find a professional and a resolution them with Emotional Resolution. You will be glad you did.

I want to end this blog with a client story: Betsy [not her real name] had lost her dearly beloved husband 2 year before. Within 2 months of his death, she also lost her precious dog. One would have been a lot, but two so close together was overwhelming. Two years later, she was still crying every time she looked at their pictures. She had pictures around her house because she wanted to remember them. She didn’t mind the crying. She wanted to remember her husband and dog. But her friends thought it was too much and constantly bugged her about it, that she needed put away the pictures and move on. We resolved her crying when she looked at the pictures. At her next visit, she came in all smiles. She hadn’t cried at all since her last visit. Now she could happily look at the pictures and remember the good times and how much she loved them. She was so happy 🙂

Obviously this is my favorite grief client story. I’ve worked with other clients and their emotions that are holding up their mourning process. Usually it takes more that just the one session that Betsy had. But every time, they get relief from emotion that is troubling them.

Are you ready to put grief behind you and happily remember the good times?

Book an Emotional Resolution Session

References
1. Grief and mourning gone awry: pathway and course of complicated grief by M. Katherine Shear, MD

Overcoming Self-Doubt

Sue Siebens

The fundamental cause of the trouble is that in the modern world, the stupid are cocksure, while the intelligent are full of doubt.

Bertrand Russell

Self-doubt is the biggest bully, ever. You don’t even have to go outside yourself to hear deprecating self-talk about your thoughts and actions, how you feel and look, who values you-if anyone, your likelihood of success, who has your back? who is trustworthy, etc. It can be a beating just to open your eyes in the morning and start the day with low self-confidence that slides lower with that nit-picking little voice.

For some of us it’s situational. You are fine and mostly confident in school or a business environment, but totally out of your comfort zone in a social setting. Or just the opposite can be true — social butterfly at home and church, but a stiff wall-flower in the office meeting.

It can become a feeling of deep aloneness, where you must struggle on alone, not able to ask for help because no one is truly there to help you–unless you have already over-done for them. Or you are too embarrassed and full of shame to ask for help. A Self-doubter has an infinite number of stories to explain and justify why you feel so bad and why “things just don’t work out for you”. And all those reasons are big arrows pointing at your own lack of importance and worth.

The Self-doubter also has few personal boundaries, making you easy prey for the predators and narcissists on the prowl. Even if other don’t have “bad” intentions, who will value you, if you don’t value yourself? It puts other people in charge of your situation and destiny.

What can be done? Resolve it!

If these words describe your identity: self-doubt, low self-esteem, indecisive, hesitant, self-deprecation, self-anger, over-modest, passive, shy, etc, then you will be pleased to know that Emotional Resolution (EmRes) protocol can change it!

It may seem like a huge mountain of “stuff” over and around you, that is too big to tunnel out of. But I can assure you, if “Self-doubt” is your thing, we can take care of that.

Self-Doubt is the most common complaint among my Emotional Resolution clients. Many of the most amazing success stories are with people that lack self-confidence and boundaries as their primary trouble. Even if individuals come for other reasons, like grief or separation/divorce, Self-doubt is pervasive in our minds when our emotions are in turmoil.

It turns out, lack of self-confidence and boundaries are some of the easiest scenarios to address.

Why? Because you can easily pick out a specific situation that leads to “an episode” of damning self-talk. This is our entry point into an Emotional Resolution session.

Emotional Resolution uses the body’s own natural ability to access the troubling subconscious emotion(s) that triggered the Self-doubt. It was embedded in the body by some past trauma or high-stress situation. The body resolves the physical sensations associated with the embedded emotion, removing it forever. It sounds simple, and it is.

It is life changing! Resolving Self-doubt can provide amazing relief.

Every client is different with unique circumstances. Emotional Resolution protocol adapts to the individual case and produces results … period.

I tend to gush happy expletives at this point because the work is so exciting in it’s effects on clients and their happiness. Many have been able make decisions, be in their own power, getting procrastination out of the way, stop the self-bullying, it’s a long list of positive changes.

They have told me that their friends and families say they look different–better, happier. I think they do too. They are full of their own confidence and it shines out like a bright light.

Are you ready to reclaim your own power and turn on your internal light?

Book an Emotional Resolution Session

Does Emotional Resolution replace Therapy?

Sue Siebens

The short-answer is No.

Therapy or Psychotherapy is a process where a trained professional uses verbal and psychological techniques to help their client tackle specific or general problems such as a particular mental illness or a source of life stress by exploring their cause and effect on the client’s life and behavior[1]. There are many facets and techniques employed by therapists, but generally it requires a great deal of commitment from the client and there is a significant relationship between the therapeutic alliance and therapy outcome[2]. Psychotherapy is an cognitive and mental exploration of the reasons behind the issue and applies further cognitive and mental techniques to work the problem.

The Emotional Resolution or EmRes session is a process conducted by a trained professional that calls on emotional memories in the body and discharges them. Subconscious and unresolved emotions are in play when we experience highly charged situations and interactions with ourselves and other people. Somatic sensations are sparked when we recall those situations, giving us direct access to them for resolution. Emotional Resolution sessions resolve the root(s) of these emotions immediately, without having to know their origin or history.

Therapy and Emotional Resolution are highly compatible and complimentary. In all work to better our lives and behaviors by unraveling emotions, we pass through a series of steps:

  • Becoming aware of a pattern that we don’t want in our life
  • Recognizing that the pattern can be changed–it is not integral to who we are
  • Taking responsibility for what is, now… with the understanding that we may not be at fault for the trauma or whatever “stuck” the emotion in us, but we have to take ownership of our own pain and emotions as it is now and find ways to resolve it
  • Be willing to let go of the pain, emotions and past story associated with them.

A therapist or counselor can help sort out confusing and complex history, behavior and wounds. They can help bring perspective and awareness to our murky past. But once responsibilities and emotions become clear, and the emotions themselves need to be cleared away to relieve the suffering, then Emotional Resolution is the most efficient way through.

Emotional Resolution Protocol is a very specific and precise series of steps. It is literally the clearest and calmest way you will ever find to deal with emotions: no history, not triggering, no justification, no self-examination or judgement, no soul-crushing reliving, no emotional backlash from the retelling. Seriously, many times sessions are like giving a semi-animated description of what you had for lunch yesterday. It doesn’t change your history, but it does change how you feel about it and how you will feel about it in the future and, most importantly, how you will feel and act in a similar situation the future.

The body is doing all the work!

Our bodies have a natural capacity to resolve the emotions that are embedded in them, lodging there in times of high stress or trauma. And our bodies know how to access the subconscious emotion: by their physical sensation signature. The Emotional Resolution protocol capitalizes on this ability as we first recall the troubling situation, then directs us to the emotional memory as a prompt for the body to do it’s work. The body resolves the emotional imprint and we are set free from triggering cycle.

Understanding and accepting our emotional script and changing it are two different things.

  • Many people want to know why they feel and act the way they do. It’s valuable and useful to them and their processing. For this information gathering, therapy is irreplaceable.
  • Many people want to get rid of their triggers and troubling emotions. Emotional Resolution has no rivals in this area.
  • There is a matrix of people in one, the other or both of these groups.

If you are ready to change the emotional script that drives your life, then Emotional Resolution session will work for you.

Your Body is ready, Are You?

Book an Emotional Resolution Session

References
1. Therapy
2. The Benefits of Psychotherapy

Don’t let a bad vibe carry you away

Sue Siebens

I ran across this meme yesterday and I LOVED IT!

Did you really have a bad day or did you have 10-20 minutes where you let your thoughts run undisciplined which led you to a bad vibe that you let carry you away. Come on… you run this [show]. Pay attention.
–www.facebook.com/enlightenedc

The truth is that is exactly what happens. Most of our “bad days” are moments of “trauma/drama” that we keep replaying in our minds, and by doing so, let those moments pollute the rest of the day.

The main reason those memories keep resurfacing is that the emotional memory is embedded in our bodies. Once triggered it can reverberate… echoing thru the day, reminding us of the situation, the emotion and infecting any neutral state of joy we can conjure.

We can search for and try to come to terms with where the original emotional injury happened–in our childhood or wherever; What physical or emotional trauma happened to us that is now echoing into the present? But intellectual understanding of an emotion does not resolve the emotional issue. Acknowledging the abuse received, for instance, does not resolve the echoing pain. The pain and the emotion remains — waiting for the next triggering event.

Or we can turn to metaphysical and spiritual answers. “This is karma or part of my soul contract.” “My right foot hurts because I can’t find a way to move forward”. Again, interesting information, but it doesn’t actually resolve the emotion. It still lies in wait for the next situation that is similar enough to spark the emotion again… reminding you to move forward?

Our bodies innately understand how to process emotions. In certain situations, the body is overwhelmed and the emotion gets stuck. These embedded emotions are the ones that will repeat and echo into our future lives. This is literally “the baggage” that makes our reactions to current situations larger then necessary –over the top.

So what is the alternative; How do we “fix” this?

Emotional Resolution  is a very specific protocol that funnels the emotion back thru the body, in a fully conscious and calm setting, The body can then metabolize the emotion, resolving it permanently.

I know, permanently is a big word to use. But when the roots of the emotion are gone, they are gone. There is nothing embedded in the body to trigger, emotion-wise.

And one of the best parts is that you don’t have to know where the emotion came from, how long it’s been there, or its meaning in the grand scheme of life. You don’t even have to know what the emotion is exactly. This is a blessing for the many of us who have tried hard all our lives to avoid/escape emotions we feel. Name it? We often have no idea what we’re feeling.

There are two great options for Emotional Resolution (EmRes):

  1. Learn to resolve yourself in the moment of the emotion. Our Learn to Resove Your Unwanted Emotions class will teach you how in 2 one-hour group meetings.
  2. Bring a a recent situation that triggered the emotion to an Emotional Resolution Professional to conduct the session.

easy peasy!

So the next time you have 10-15 minutes of angst that vibrates thru your day, consider an Emotional Resolution session to set you right.

Clearing the Tears

Sue Siebens

Why do we think something is wrong when we are crying? 

OH OH — Someone is experiencing an emotion, they have droplets of water coming out of their eyes……. that can’t be good? or can it?   

Typically when we see someone crying, we assume they are experiencing sadness or duress.  But we frequently cry during a heart-felt moments found in joyous births and weddings. 

Tears of other people remind us that we too have emotions. Without question, the vast majority of us would rather not deal with or be reminded that we have emotions. Since tears can go either way- happy or sad tears – they disturb us. And, compassion aside for a moment, we don’t want to deal with our own emotions or anyone else’s either. 

Emotions are messy, but necessary part of living.  Emotions tell us what is going on around us and how it’s affecting us.  Our bodies react with physical sensations (the emotion), that travel brain for interpretation and, if necessary,  to set a course of reaction (the response to emotion.) 

Some psychologies believe that tears part of a coping strategy that is self-soothing and can elicit support from those around us.  It restores “emotional equilibrium”, suggesting that sad tears lift blues and happy tears bring us back to neutral.

But tears don’t resolve the emotion that they spring from.  Tears are an instant remedy without a long-term benefit, emotionally speaking.

I’ve helped several of my clients with their tears. 

  1. Elsie (not her real name) had lost her most beloved husband 2 years prior to her work with me. She still had pictures of him all over the house, because she loved him and didn’t want to forget him or their time together. Whenever she would look at the pictures or talk about her husband with friends, Elsie would well-up with tears.  She said “I don’t mind the tears–I miss him.  But my friends think it’s wrong to cry after so many years.” I guided Elsie to resolve the emotion she felt when she looked at her husband’s picture.  At her next session, she came back all smiles! “I can look at his picture and NO TEARS–I just remember our happy times.  I still miss him, but the sadness is gone and the good stuff is left! Thank you!”
  2. Jane (again, an alias) cried at every happy event.  “It’s embarrassing”, she said. “If I’m at a wedding, baby shower, spiritual events or anywhere that I feel happy and blessed, I cry. People think I’m upset. Then I have to explain–its a mess”.  I helped Jane resolve the emotion she experiences in these moments of gladness that overwhelm her.  Jane reported back that now happy times are only happy. “I’ve found I can be joyous and compassionate without the tears.  I don’t feel the need to cry–it’s all smiles and ecstatic joy.  I love it!” 

I want to make a couple points that relate to Jane’s example.  First, when we are overwhelmed by emotion, happy, sad, or otherwise, we miss the essence/meaning of the moment before us. The buried, unresolved emotions flood in, to mix with the current emotional reaction and swamp the limbic system, which is responsible for “managing” these feelings. Many times it’s too much to grapple with. 

The emotion that prompted tears are drowning the ability to feel the joy of the moment. This works in the same way as engulfing anger might keep us from a reasonable response–we’re “too mad” and might produce tears of frustration. 

Second, Emotional Resolution (EmRes) works to remove the emotions that we didn’t naturally resolve when we felt them originally.  Sometimes, especially as children, the situation is so intense that the emotions produced don’t have the chance to get resolved by our bodies. They become imprinted in the body. As we move forward in time, these are literally the PTSD reactions we feel.

Removing imprinted emotions does not eliminate feelings of love, happiness, joy, etc.  These positive emotions are never imprinted or need to be removed.  In fact, the imprinted emotions depress our expression and experience of love.  In the end, the happy day-to-day bliss of being in love, finding love and happiness is where we want to end up….without the tears.

Who doesn’t want that?

Following the trail of tears can lead us to emotions that need to be resolved. and resolving your tears can lead to great experiences in your life.

I offer Emotional Resolution sessions in-person in North Dallas, Tx or on-the-phone.  Here is a link to schedule and appointment with me.   http://regulatingsense.schedulista.com/

Don’t let your Emotions control you. Resolve them instead.

Sue Siebens

Seems like every day we have them. Emotions. We react emotionally to the personal interactions and circumstances that we move through each day.  Some emotions we like: joy, happiness, gratitude, hope, inspiration, pride, serenity, inspiration, and, of course, love. Want them. Want to keep them.  

But it seems that much of the time we are swamped by emotions that we don’t like: anger, disappointment, frustration, annoyance, apathy, sadness, discouragement, despair, jealousy, fear, anxiety and guilt.

We spend quite a bit of time and money trying to figure out why we have these unwanted feelings, discovering the reasons they have erupted in us and devising how we can “overcome” them.

I have recently come to a new understanding about emotions and how they work for us and how we can work with them in a more effective way.

Emotions are a set of physical sensations in our BODY. If we work with the sensations in our body is a precise way, the emotions will be resolved permanently.

That’s it. That’s all of it.

It is our MIND mind that labels the physical sensations as anger, disgust, sadness, surprise, fear, trust, or joy, for example. And it is our mind that works out what our action/reaction should be. It’s all downhill, or up-hill from there. In many ways, it’s a distraction from the real work, especially when the reaction is “over the top/beyond what is appropriate”.

It all starts with the physical sensations in our Body.

Our Body is innately equipped with the ability to resolve emotions. When have an we experience a set of physical sensations and if the emotion is not “blocked”, the “emotion” information is passed to the mind, followed by clear-minded, analysis of the situation and discerning action ensues. We won’t actually experience the emotion in this case.  

But, when the emotion is blocked for whatever reason, the Mind “creates” a heightened experience and labels the feelings as “xxx” (an emotion.) Because the Mind is now flooded with overwhelming and sometimes conflicting cues, it’s normal mental flows are sidetracked from “appropriate action”. We then find ourselves in difficulties and behaviors that are over the top and, most commonly, don’t address anything that needs to be taken care of.

For example, if we are not afraid of heights, we could walk up to a handrail in the middle of a tall bridge and calmly recognize that we are safe when we look over the handrail and down to the river view below. There is no “emotional” reaction to the approach of the handrail or the view.

If we are afraid of heights, we may not even get to the middle of the bridge, much less the handrail. Our Mind is probably screaming in a fear and terror that paralyzes the body and reason. I’m sure you’d agree that this is definitely and emotional difficulty.

So the first question is: Do we really need to know how the emotion was blocked?  do we care if the block came from a childhood trauma, a teenage wound or an extremely stressful event, such as wartime combat, a natural disaster, or sexual or physical abuse.

The answers to “where did they come from” may help us to be more compassionate with ourselves. But they don’t help us get rid of the emotion, the reaction to the triggering situation or our mismatched actions.

The second question: it is okay, and possible, to just get of the emotional response, without knowing where it originated, and get rid of it permanently?

Yes, it is absolutely possible to free ourselves from emotional difficulties whether we know where they came from or not.

Hallelujah!

Emotional Resolution (EmRes) is set of precise protocols developed by French researchers to resolve emotions and their triggers that clouds our understanding of what is happening now, and filters our abilities to function and respond effectively to the present.

By consciously experiencing physical sensations in the Body, letting them change or shift, until they are gone, a natural and permanent resolution of the emotion takes place. 

We can perform this action on ourselves in the moment the emotion is present in us (EmRes-Self), assist others to do this work in the moment (EmRes-Direct) or afterwards with the help of an Emotional Resolution Professional (EmRes Session).

There are other advantages to Emotional Resolution.  There is no re-triggering or re-living the trauma. We don’t have to know where it originated. There is no need to share personal details or difficult stories. We are completely safe, present and in control at all times during a session.

EmRes sessions rarely need to exceed 30 minutes to obtain a complete and permanent resolution.

I have so many clients that are delighted with the sessions and results of their Emotional Resolution. I am also gratified, personally with my own work and professionally with the work of my clients.I invite you to give it a try, in-person in North Dallas, Tx or on-the-phone.  Here is a link to schedule and appointment with me.  http://regulatingsense.schedulista.com/