Taming Your Inner Critic

How do you make peace with that inner chatter that contributes negative self-talk to the flow of thoughts in your head?

Some small portion of it may be helpful and keep us on track and noticing necessary details. But sometimes, it just amounts to an internal beating and bullying of our softer side, that really does want to do things right.

According to Jay Early, PHD, there are seven types of Inner-critic self-talk

  • Perfectionist – provoking the highest, maybe unobtainable standards, this critic drives performance, behavior and production to very high levels. It can result in projects that never seem to end since they can never reach a perfect state. It can also freeze a person into inaction, as they become convinced their work will never be good enough.
  • Inner Controller – tries to control impulsive behavior perceived as “not good for you” or even “dangerous”. Failure to comply results in harsh bullying and shaming from that same critic voice.
  • Taskmaster – like the perfectionist, the taskmaster forces hard work and a workaholic attitude to reach success thru discipline and laser focused production and an “at all costs” avoidance of shoddy and insufficient results.
  • Underminer – works to sabotage self-esteem and self-confidence to avoid risk and failure as an absolute imperative, even if the result is inaction. It also attacks any efforts to assume a role that is too powerful, responsible or “big” to avoid attention and drawing attack from others, even if it is unwarranted. It’s goal is a feeling of worthlessness.
  • Destroyer – uses shame to suck out any self-worth present. Its convinces the person they shouldn’t and don’t have the right to exist.
  • Guilt-Tripper – exerts pressure based on some specific action or repeated behavior that was harmful or crossed a personal value boundary. Weaponized guilt assaults the person and they feel like they will never be forgiven.
  • Molder – has in mind a specific way of being, acting or looking, that originates in cultural or family norms. If the person veers out of this very narrow standard or if it just doesn’t fit and never did, then the person is made to feel inadequate. It is quiet when living up to the standard, but blitzkriegs when not. [1]

The Inner Critic can be a Terrorist!

With the volume turned down, like a reasonable notice from the conscience, our inner voice may be keeping us safe or funneling our efforts to the best advantage, keeping us from social faux pas and taboos, etc.

But when the volume gets too loud or hypercritical, with “You’re stupid”, “You’re not attractive”, “You’ll never get it right”, “He doesn’t really care about you”[2], then it becomes your own worst enemy and it’s time for a change!

How the Inner Critic expresses itself comes from internalized trauma and social patterns and negative attitudes that were picked up as early as infancy. They continue to expand as we grow and learn how to conduct ourselves in our families, schools, jobs and other social groups. [2]

Emotional Resolution(EmRes) is a protocol or technique that addresses the emotions that trigger the Inner Critic’s voice. EmRes is a tool that everyone MUST have in their back pocket.

Through a combination of one-on-one sessions with a professional and learning to conduct mini-session in the moment, EmRes clears away the embedded emotions that are triggered in a person’s life. By tackling each triggered situation as they come up, “the voice” will quieten as they are resolved. With some work, but in an amazingly short time, it will stop completely.

EmRes sessions with a professional are calm, restoring and reassuring. EmRes-Self mediating are immediate and effective.

By removing the emotional triggers, EmRes clients and practitioners say they have “learned how to be happy with themselves“, they “get more done” and they “feel comfortable in their own skin“.

Learn more about EmRes

Are you ready to Tame Your Inner Critic?

Book an EmRes Session or EmRes-Self training

References
1. What Kind Of Inner Critic Are You?
2. Critical Inner Voice

Emotional Merry-go-rounds and other spirals

Its that situation again. That person or group is present. This conversation or action will trigger my feelings. I’ll spiral into my “go-to” emotions. and I’ll be back in my misery, again. It takes to much energy and time to climb out of that wheel. Time to get off the scary-go-round!

PTSD, depression, substance abuse and other disorders are commonly associated with emotional dysregulation.
Its the inability to manage the intensity and duration of negative emotions such as fear, sadness, or anger. When caught off-guard by some triggering event, clients are plunged into overwhelming emotions and behaviors that may be difficult to recover from.

Traditionally emotional regulation skills are based on cognitive and behavioral interventions, using conscious thought and behavior to regulate emotions.

But what if we can address the emotions directly? Resolving them, in the moment they are occurring? ..and just get rid of them permanently?

Think about it. If you have a nose bleed, you wouldn’t just let the blood run down your face, onto your shirt. No. You would stop what you are doing and take care of it with a tissue, tip your head back, maybe add a cold compress. You and everyone around you will understand that your body needs some attention. It is a necessary and immediate need.

It’s the same way with emotions. If you are experiencing an emotion or feeling, that is anywhere from uncomfortable to overwhelming, it is time to stop and take a moment to deal with that emotion…. just like its a nose-bleed.

How do we loosen emotion’s grip and get control back? How do we stand in our emotion, face it head on, in the moment of crisis and “conquer it”?

We must all learn to resolve and balance our unwanted emotions on the fly, and we can do it quite simply.

Emotional Resolution on and for the Self (EmRes-Self)

  • IN THE MOMENT, while you are still in the emotion, Close your eyes. turn your focus away from the outside source of your disturbance and look in.
  • Scan your body and notice at least two physical sensations, like throat tight, hands sweaty, hard to breathe, stomach tight, etc.
  • Allow the sensations to change, without control or expectation. Don’t do anything, just watch.
  • Be present with the physical sensations until they are gone, for up to 2 minutes
  • When you are calm, open your eyes. the emotion will be gone.

It sounds ridiculously simple. How can something this unpretentious work?

Well, if you don’t embellish the routine, it works fabulously. Here are a couple guidelines to curb your desire to “make it better”.

  1. This process works with the current emotional difficulty your body is experiencing. If you are angry at your co-worker now, then you must resolve now while you are still angry at him, not after you’ve cooled down and are recalling your anger. The timing can be tricky in this regard. But immediately excusing yourself to a restroom and resolve there, will usually keep you in the emotion enough to resolve. Excusing yourself to tend a fake “important text” on you phone, also allows you to covertly bow your head to your phone and close your eyes for a few seconds–its surprising how socially normal this is.
  2. Emotions are experienced by the body as physical sensations. It is the body that has the embedded/trapped emotions that keep coming up via triggers, flooding your mind and overwhelming thought and reason. When you close your eyes, you are shifting from the mental brain/memory to emotional brain/memory.
    The body has an innate ability to metabolize the emotional memories, the physical sensations, if you give it the time and space to do so.
    And that is just it–You must give your body time to do it’s work!
    Remember: Power goes where you focus.
    You can not be in your mind and your body at the same time. If you gently focus on your body, it will resolve the physical sensations and release the emotional imprint. If you let your focus return to the mind, recalling the situation, trying to make sense of the physical sensations, focusing too hard on the sensations, trying to control or change the shape, form or intensity of the sensations, then the body stops its “resolve the emotion work”. Just watch the physical sensations and allow them to change. The sensations can be uncomfortable, but even “breathing into it” is a form of control that will derail the whole process.
  3. Allow the physical sensations to change, grow, move, pop up in another location as you passively watch, until all physical sensations are gone and you are calm… for up to 2 minutes. Many times it can take only 8-20 seconds! After 2 minutes, which feels like a long time, open your eyes and recall the emotional situation that disturbed you. We are not changing history here. You will still remember being mad, for instance, but you will most likely not feel mad about it any more. If you do feel a little emotion is left, then close your eyes again, go thru the resolve again. It will be completely gone after the second time through.

It really works. It works for me. It works for everyone that has learned it. And it will work for you.

In one of my advance Emotional Resolution classes, I met a woman who was in New York on 9/11, a hotline operator, who watched the buildings fall from close range. She had PTSD for years as a result. She shared that most of her healing was finally accomplished by using the ER-Self protocol, when she was triggered, in the instant that she was in the emotion. She was adamant about the power of Emotional Resolution on the Self (EmRes-Self).

After I recovered a little from the impact of her story, I reflected on my own use of ER-Self. Every time I had the presence to [stop, close my eyes, let go of my mind, feel the physical sensation in my body, allow them to change, observe them lightly until they were gone], it worked. My troubling emotion, present in me at the time, was gone.

You can practice from the instructions in this blog and get it right. But sometimes we have questions and need face to face time with an instructor. I teach classes in ER-Self, both to groups and privately in-person and on the phone.

Please learn this amazing act of Self-Care. Just like a nose-bleed or cut on our finger, we need to take care of ourselves when our body demands attention, whether it shows up as actual blood or as a troubling emotion that affects our ability to effectively navigate our life and world.

Are you ready to take Self-Care to the next level?

Learn ER-Self with a group (In Dallas, Tx)

Learn ER-Self individually, on the phone or in-person

Does Emotional Resolution replace Therapy?

The short-answer is No.

Therapy or Psychotherapy is a process where a trained professional uses verbal and psychological techniques to help their client tackle specific or general problems such as a particular mental illness or a source of life stress by exploring their cause and effect on the client’s life and behavior[1]. There are many facets and techniques employed by therapists, but generally it requires a great deal of commitment from the client and there is a significant relationship between the therapeutic alliance and therapy outcome[2]. Psychotherapy is an cognitive and mental exploration of the reasons behind the issue and applies further cognitive and mental techniques to work the problem.

The Emotional Resolution or EmRes session is a process conducted by a trained professional that calls on emotional memories in the body and discharges them. Subconscious and unresolved emotions are in play when we experience highly charged situations and interactions with ourselves and other people. Somatic sensations are sparked when we recall those situations, giving us direct access to them for resolution. Emotional Resolution sessions resolve the root(s) of these emotions immediately, without having to know their origin or history.

Therapy and Emotional Resolution are highly compatible and complimentary. In all work to better our lives and behaviors by unraveling emotions, we pass through a series of steps:

  • Becoming aware of a pattern that we don’t want in our life
  • Recognizing that the pattern can be changed–it is not integral to who we are
  • Taking responsibility for what is, now… with the understanding that we may not be at fault for the trauma or whatever “stuck” the emotion in us, but we have to take ownership of our own pain and emotions as it is now and find ways to resolve it
  • Be willing to let go of the pain, emotions and past story associated with them.

A therapist or counselor can help sort out confusing and complex history, behavior and wounds. They can help bring perspective and awareness to our murky past. But once responsibilities and emotions become clear, and the emotions themselves need to be cleared away to relieve the suffering, then Emotional Resolution is the most efficient way through.

Emotional Resolution Protocol is a very specific and precise series of steps. It is literally the clearest and calmest way you will ever find to deal with emotions: no history, not triggering, no justification, no self-examination or judgement, no soul-crushing reliving, no emotional backlash from the retelling. Seriously, many times sessions are like giving a semi-animated description of what you had for lunch yesterday. It doesn’t change your history, but it does change how you feel about it and how you will feel about it in the future and, most importantly, how you will feel and act in a similar situation the future.

The body is doing all the work!

Our bodies have a natural capacity to resolve the emotions that are embedded in them, lodging there in times of high stress or trauma. And our bodies know how to access the subconscious emotion: by their physical sensation signature. The Emotional Resolution protocol capitalizes on this ability as we first recall the troubling situation, then directs us to the emotional memory as a prompt for the body to do it’s work. The body resolves the emotional imprint and we are set free from triggering cycle.

Understanding and accepting our emotional script and changing it are two different things.

  • Many people want to know why they feel and act the way they do. It’s valuable and useful to them and their processing. For this information gathering, therapy is irreplaceable.
  • Many people want to get rid of their triggers and troubling emotions. Emotional Resolution has no rivals in this area.
  • There is a matrix of people in one, the other or both of these groups.

If you are ready to change the emotional script that drives your life, then Emotional Resolution session will work for you.

Your Body is ready, Are You?

Book an Emotional Resolution Session

References
1. Therapy
2. The Benefits of Psychotherapy

Don’t let a bad vibe carry you away

I ran across this meme yesterday and I LOVED IT!

Did you really have a bad day or did you have 10-20 minutes where you let your thoughts run undisciplined which led you to a bad vibe that you let carry you away. Come on… you run this [show]. Pay attention.
–www.facebook.com/enlightenedc

The truth is that is exactly what happens. Most of our “bad days” are moments of “trauma/drama” that we keep replaying in our minds, and by doing so, let those moments pollute the rest of the day.

The main reason those memories keep resurfacing is that the emotional memory is embedded in our bodies. Once triggered it can reverberate… echoing thru the day, reminding us of the situation, the emotion and infecting any neutral state of joy we can conjure.

We can search for and try to come to terms with where the original emotional injury happened–in our childhood or wherever; What physical or emotional trauma happened to us that is now echoing into the present? But intellectual understanding of an emotion does not resolve the emotional issue. Acknowledging the abuse received, for instance, does not resolve the echoing pain. The pain and the emotion remains — waiting for the next triggering event.

Or we can turn to metaphysical and spiritual answers. “This is karma or part of my soul contract.” “My right foot hurts because I can’t find a way to move forward”. Again, interesting information, but it doesn’t actually resolve the emotion. It still lies in wait for the next situation that is similar enough to spark the emotion again… reminding you to move forward?

Our bodies innately understand how to process emotions. In certain situations, the body is overwhelmed and the emotion gets stuck. These embedded emotions are the ones that will repeat and echo into our future lives. This is literally “the baggage” that makes our reactions to current situations larger then necessary –over the top.

So what is the alternative; How do we “fix” this?

Emotional Resolution  is a very specific protocol that funnels the emotion back thru the body, in a fully conscious and calm setting, The body can then metabolize the emotion, resolving it permanently.

I know, permanently is a big word to use. But when the roots of the emotion are gone, they are gone. There is nothing embedded in the body to trigger, emotion-wise.

And one of the best parts is that you don’t have to know where the emotion came from, how long it’s been there, or its meaning in the grand scheme of life. You don’t even have to know what the emotion is exactly. This is a blessing for the many of us who have tried hard all our lives to avoid/escape emotions we feel. Name it? We often have no idea what we’re feeling.

There are two great options for Emotional Resolution (EmRes):

  1. Learn to resolve yourself in the moment of the emotion. Our Learn to Resove Your Unwanted Emotions class will teach you how in 2 one-hour group meetings.
  2. Bring a a recent situation that triggered the emotion to an Emotional Resolution Professional to conduct the session.

easy peasy!

So the next time you have 10-15 minutes of angst that vibrates thru your day, consider an Emotional Resolution session to set you right.

Clearing the Tears

Why do we think something is wrong when we are crying? 

OH OH — Someone is experiencing an emotion, they have droplets of water coming out of their eyes……. that can’t be good? or can it?   

Typically when we see someone crying, we assume they are experiencing sadness or duress.  But we frequently cry during a heart-felt moments found in joyous births and weddings. 

Tears of other people remind us that we too have emotions. Without question, the vast majority of us would rather not deal with or be reminded that we have emotions. Since tears can go either way- happy or sad tears – they disturb us. And, compassion aside for a moment, we don’t want to deal with our own emotions or anyone else’s either. 

Emotions are messy, but necessary part of living.  Emotions tell us what is going on around us and how it’s affecting us.  Our bodies react with physical sensations (the emotion), that travel brain for interpretation and, if necessary,  to set a course of reaction (the response to emotion.) 

Some psychologies believe that tears part of a coping strategy that is self-soothing and can elicit support from those around us.  It restores “emotional equilibrium”, suggesting that sad tears lift blues and happy tears bring us back to neutral.

But tears don’t resolve the emotion that they spring from.  Tears are an instant remedy without a long-term benefit, emotionally speaking.

I’ve helped several of my clients with their tears. 

  1. Elsie (not her real name) had lost her most beloved husband 2 years prior to her work with me. She still had pictures of him all over the house, because she loved him and didn’t want to forget him or their time together. Whenever she would look at the pictures or talk about her husband with friends, Elsie would well-up with tears.  She said “I don’t mind the tears–I miss him.  But my friends think it’s wrong to cry after so many years.” I guided Elsie to resolve the emotion she felt when she looked at her husband’s picture.  At her next session, she came back all smiles! “I can look at his picture and NO TEARS–I just remember our happy times.  I still miss him, but the sadness is gone and the good stuff is left! Thank you!”
  2. Jane (again, an alias) cried at every happy event.  “It’s embarrassing”, she said. “If I’m at a wedding, baby shower, spiritual events or anywhere that I feel happy and blessed, I cry. People think I’m upset. Then I have to explain–its a mess”.  I helped Jane resolve the emotion she experiences in these moments of gladness that overwhelm her.  Jane reported back that now happy times are only happy. “I’ve found I can be joyous and compassionate without the tears.  I don’t feel the need to cry–it’s all smiles and ecstatic joy.  I love it!” 

I want to make a couple points that relate to Jane’s example.  First, when we are overwhelmed by emotion, happy, sad, or otherwise, we miss the essence/meaning of the moment before us. The buried, unresolved emotions flood in, to mix with the current emotional reaction and swamp the limbic system, which is responsible for “managing” these feelings. Many times it’s too much to grapple with. 

The emotion that prompted tears are drowning the ability to feel the joy of the moment. This works in the same way as engulfing anger might keep us from a reasonable response–we’re “too mad” and might produce tears of frustration. 

Second, Emotional Resolution (EmRes) works to remove the emotions that we didn’t naturally resolve when we felt them originally.  Sometimes, especially as children, the situation is so intense that the emotions produced don’t have the chance to get resolved by our bodies. They become imprinted in the body. As we move forward in time, these are literally the PTSD reactions we feel.

Removing imprinted emotions does not eliminate feelings of love, happiness, joy, etc.  These positive emotions are never imprinted or need to be removed.  In fact, the imprinted emotions depress our expression and experience of love.  In the end, the happy day-to-day bliss of being in love, finding love and happiness is where we want to end up….without the tears.

Who doesn’t want that?

Following the trail of tears can lead us to emotions that need to be resolved. and resolving your tears can lead to great experiences in your life.


I offer Emotional Resolution sessions in-person in North Dallas, Tx or on-the-phone.  Here is a link to schedule and appointment with me.   http://regulatingsense.schedulista.com/

Letting Go of “IT”

How many times have we heard or thought to ourselves, “just let it go”?  Don’t be angry forever, let it go.  Don’t be anxious or fearful, let it go. If we could just wash it off in the shower, or cough it out like a puff of smog, that would be one thing. But we can’t seem to be rid of these unwanted emotions like sweaty clothes.

We want to forgive and forget, but we still remember with the same angst, the same pain, the same regret when something triggers that emotion again.

Often we are told to “feel your feelings”, with the implication that if we feel them correctly they will go away.  But what does that mean? Feel what and where.  Feel it through the tear and terror? feel it so completely that we drown in tears? Argh, so frustrating because it never seems to work.

It never seemed to work because we didn’t have all the instructions.

It turns out that resolving emotions effectively and permanently is a precise protocol. 

First you have to be in the emotion. Let the emotion pass or try to manufacture one and it doesn’t work. Then close your eyes and feel the physical sensations in your body.  Let these sensations evolve and change until they dissipate. This lasts from 2 seconds to 2.5 minutes. And viola! The emotion is gone.

It’s too simple really.  Its so deceptively simple that one can easily step off the “script” and suddenly your back to wallowing in fruitless ventures.

But when followed correctly it works. Amazingly, it works.

And sorry, this little snippet of the protocol doesn’t give enough information about what not to do.  You’ll need just a little more instruction or the assistance of a professionally trained person.

But YES, all you have to do is “Feel the Feelings”, but not the ones in your mind.

A big THANK YOU to Cedric Bertelli for bringing this work to the USA!

I’ve been working with Emotional Resolution protocols for almost a year now [since 2017].  I know it doesn’t seem like a very long time. But I’ve personally experienced and seen in my clients, positive changes that have left me surprised and astonished.

Emotions, behaviors and somatic issues that have disappeared and not returned:

  • Fear of driving fast
  • weeping in grief for two years; 
    separation anxiety/abandonment of dying family member
  • a sales person’s frustration/anger when caught between company and customer; sales person’s performance/making the numbers anxiety
  • anger when passed over for promotion
  • anger/frustration spouse’s behavior (many of these)
  • being uncomfortable in own body; forgiving an unforgiving self-image
  • fear of being killed/shot
  • sports performance anxiety and injury/recovery fear
  • Migraine
  • asthma; phlegm over-production
  • procrastination (many of these); avoidance
  • pain in joints and arthritis
  • family trauma
  • anger/rage at “nothing”
  • fear of meeting new people/making new friends/fitting in
  • fear and paranoia at work
  • idiopathic stomach pain after eating 
  • and more

It’s crazy how well it works!

If you have an emotion, behavior or chronic physical issue to resolve, try Emotional Resolution.  

I offer session in-person in North Dallas, Tx or on-the-phone.  Here is a link to schedule and appointment with  me.  http://regulatingsense.schedulista.com/

Don’t let your Emotions control you. Resolve them instead.

Seems like every day we have them. Emotions. We react emotionally to the personal interactions and circumstances that we move through each day.  Some emotions we like: joy, happiness, gratitude, hope, inspiration, pride, serenity, inspiration, and, of course, love. Want them. Want to keep them.  

But it seems that much of the time we are swamped by emotions that we don’t like: anger, disappointment, frustration, annoyance, apathy, sadness, discouragement, despair, jealousy, fear, anxiety and guilt.

We spend quite a bit of time and money trying to figure out why we have these unwanted feelings, discovering the reasons they have erupted in us and devising how we can “overcome” them.

I have recently come to a new understanding about emotions and how they work for us and how we can work with them in a more effective way.

Emotions are a set of physical sensations in our BODY. If we work with the sensations in our body is a precise way, the emotions will be resolved permanently.

That’s it. That’s all of it.

It is our MIND mind that labels the physical sensations as anger, disgust, sadness, surprise, fear, trust, or joy, for example. And it is our mind that works out what our action/reaction should be. It’s all downhill, or up-hill from there. In many ways, it’s a distraction from the real work, especially when the reaction is “over the top/beyond what is appropriate”.

It all starts with the physical sensations in our Body.

Our Body is innately equipped with the ability to resolve emotions. When have an we experience a set of physical sensations and if the emotion is not “blocked”, the “emotion” information is passed to the mind, followed by clear-minded, analysis of the situation and discerning action ensues. We won’t actually experience the emotion in this case.  

But, when the emotion is blocked for whatever reason, the Mind “creates” a heightened experience and labels the feelings as “xxx” (an emotion.) Because the Mind is now flooded with overwhelming and sometimes conflicting cues, it’s normal mental flows are sidetracked from “appropriate action”. We then find ourselves in difficulties and behaviors that are over the top and, most commonly, don’t address anything that needs to be taken care of.

For example, if we are not afraid of heights, we could walk up to a handrail in the middle of a tall bridge and calmly recognize that we are safe when we look over the handrail and down to the river view below. There is no “emotional” reaction to the approach of the handrail or the view.

If we are afraid of heights, we may not even get to the middle of the bridge, much less the handrail. Our Mind is probably screaming in a fear and terror that paralyzes the body and reason. I’m sure you’d agree that this is definitely and emotional difficulty.


So the first question is: Do we really need to know how the emotion was blocked?  do we care if the block came from a childhood trauma, a teenage wound or an extremely stressful event, such as wartime combat, a natural disaster, or sexual or physical abuse.

The answers to “where did they come from” may help us to be more compassionate with ourselves. But they don’t help us get rid of the emotion, the reaction to the triggering situation or our mismatched actions.

The second question: it is okay, and possible, to just get of the emotional response, without knowing where it originated, and get rid of it permanently?

Yes, it is absolutely possible to free ourselves from emotional difficulties whether we know where they came from or not.

Hallelujah!

Emotional Resolution (EmRes) is set of precise protocols developed by French researchers to resolve emotions and their triggers that clouds our understanding of what is happening now, and filters our abilities to function and respond effectively to the present.

By consciously experiencing physical sensations in the Body, letting them change or shift, until they are gone, a natural and permanent resolution of the emotion takes place. 

We can perform this action on ourselves in the moment the emotion is present in us (EmRes-Self), assist others to do this work in the moment (EmRes-Direct) or afterwards with the help of an Emotional Resolution Professional (EmRes Session).

There are other advantages to Emotional Resolution.  There is no re-triggering or re-living the trauma. We don’t have to know where it originated. There is no need to share personal details or difficult stories. We are completely safe, present and in control at all times during a session.

EmRes sessions rarely need to exceed 30 minutes to obtain a complete and permanent resolution.


I have so many clients that are delighted with the sessions and results of their Emotional Resolution. I am also gratified, personally with my own work and professionally with the work of my clients.I invite you to give it a try, in-person in North Dallas, Tx or on-the-phone.  Here is a link to schedule and appointment with me.  http://regulatingsense.schedulista.com/